Up to now I still don't understand how in the world I managed to convince myself to let go of him, but let go of him I did. I felt this great joy when the chains around it were finally loosened. Letting go of someone isn't easy, but if you have to, to save yourself from depression or something similar, then let go you must.

Crying yourself to sleep at night, without letting anyone know, is difficult, and I've been through it before. From the middle of September to the end of October, I was asking myself, why, why, why was this happening to me? Why me and not others? From October to the middle of January, which would be this month, I was willing myself to forget him.

He doesn't deserve you, he doesn't love you, he'll never love you, you weren't meant to be together. These sentences ran through my head all the time when I was telling myself that I had to forget him, because it wasn't healthy for the mind, body and soul to dwell on such things. Only in the past week did I manage to loosen my hold on the past and to move on with life.

Playboys don't do well in the lives of girls. They only hurt us, make us desperate, causing us so much pain that we want it to stop even though we cannot. Falling in love with one, like me, is a very unlucky thing to go through.

Considering that it was my first 'official' relationship, it was very difficult for me to look back on. I was constantly asking myself, would by next relationships be like this? Would every guy hurt me like this?

13, really, is too young to be involved in a relationship, something I failed to realize until now, but that doesn't mean that there will be little crushes and puppy loves here and there. However, I think that I'm safe by saying that, yes, I really did love the one that broke my heart.

Almost all the time I was planning on how to forget him. From printing the photo that we took together and tearing it, to writing his name with certain words, stuffing them inside a plastic bottle and throwing it away, to the most ridiculous of not going to the place where we went the most, and where I loved the most.

Because of him, I cut off all contact with the friends that I had made together with him, through him, and I avoided everything that had anything to do with him. A single laugh would send me back in time, and start thinking about him. A slide near my house would start cracking me up, and make me remember that day.

The day we broke up.

Recording all of this down makes me want to puke, to cry, to forget everything. The hole in my chest that had been mending widens all of a sudden, but I know that even though it's bigger now, it will heal faster than if I had left it alone.

If someone you love betrayed you, it's time to let them go.

After blogging last night I went to watch Home, which is this Korean drama in a disk thing. Not sure if you guys have heard of it, but it realy touched me, and spoke to me.

The storyline, just a walkthrough, is about a 7 year old boy whose parents have divorced. Because of this, his mother needed time to settle down, and so brought him to stay with his grandmother in the village, and her house is high up in the mountains. As in REALLY high up. Being a city boy from Seoul, he, of course, wasn't used to being in a rural village like the one his grandmother lived in. Oh, and his grandma is mute, so he has a hard time commuinicating with her. He hates her. Simple as that. He calls her Dummy, Idiot, Retard, and writes them on the walls of his grandmother's home.

His grandmother doesn't care. She loves him, even though she knows that he hates her. She is constantly apologising for things that she did not do correctly, whilst her grandson is complaining about the things that she did wrongly. But when it was finally time for him to go home, he finallly understood the grandmother, and accepted her.

I really liked this movie because it made me realise that no matter what, you should always love and respect your grandparents. This movie was, of course, dedicated to grandmothers around the world. Ironically, my grandmother was watching this with me. Anyways, the grandmother, to give her grandson what he wanted, climbed up and down the mountain, selling everything that she could get her hands on to give her grandsom what he asked for, and, as you may guess, he didn't appreciate it until the very end of the movie.

To many of us, home is a place where we eat, and sleep. We spend most of our waking moments away from home itself, so we feel no attachment to it. But the people who spend most of their time in their homes will feel an attachment to it, be it refusing to move, or just having a connection with the house itself. Yes, it sounds creepy, but it might be true.

To me, home is a place, a shelter over my head, a place where I can relax and feel like a kid I was before, even though I'm 13 and still a kid, it makes me feel like how I felt when I was 5. Home, to me, is a refuge where I can burst into tears, vent my anger, a place where I can show my feelings without feeling embarressed. However, home wouldn't be home, if your family weren't there.

Your family supports you, though they, most of the time, annoy the hell out of you. They help you, get you over things that you can't. They help you climb over obstacles that you face in your life, give you mental and physical support, soothe you when something happens, and protect you from basically everything that can harm you.

Yet, no matter how important your family is, there is always another hole in your home, and that is the hole that your friends will have to feel. Friends are ears that you complain to them when the one at fault is in your family, and vice versa. Somehow, your friends are slightly closer to you than your family, maybe because you spend more time with them, you can relate to people of your own age better, any reason, but friends will always be the ones that will give you a shoulder to lie on, and that shoulder will be more comfortable than the one that your family can offer.

Though many deem me too young to have a partner, a partner is something that I have had. Once. A partner will listen to you, soothe you, give you a shoulder to cry on, everything. A partner is basically your family and friends, with, of course, a little romance in between, merged together in one person. A partner is difficult to find, and easy to lose. Not the first one you have will be the one for you. But keep searching, and you will find, in one special person, your soulmate.

Love and hatred are both emotional feelings that a person will surely experience in life, and not only once. I, myself, have experience about twice of love, and many times of hatred.

Love makes you forget everything. Once you start to like the person, or are infatuated with him or her, then you forget all of his or her imperfections and think that no matter what, you'll always love the person, and that person will always love you. This isn't true, no matter what you were thinking at the time.

Speaking from personal experience, I find that love makes a person blind, and yet is a teacher at the same time. Some love doesn't last very long, yet it could have been strong at the time, while others are weak and need a little reinforcement, without which it would break easily, but these are the ones that last particularly long, and are the ones that will hurt you more if you break up.

I have learned, by listening to other's experiences, and from my own, that the people that you fall in love with of the first kind, are not the ones that you would call 'play boys and girls', and yet it is the second type that are the ones that will not hesitate to leave you should situations arise. The first kind of person is the one that will continue to love you, even if they don't know it, or maybe they won't, but you, however, will not be able to forget them.

The second type of person that you date will be the ones that will not remember you. Yes, they might, but only as a friend, and never again, in a romantic way. You can spend your whole life wishing and praying for them to come back to you, but they will not. You can keep track of their romantic relationships, track them on Facebook, Twitter and Friendster, but they will never come back to you, no matter how much you wish for them to.

Perhaps it is better that they do not return to your life, for if they leave you, they will leave emotional scars so deep that they might never heal. The first type, however, you should gladly accept them back, because they are the ones that love you deeply, and truly love you.

I think I have sounded like a professor above, and I will continue to sound like one below. The way I am typing this post is different from others that I have posted, and, most likely, most of my other posts will be like this. Unless, of course, I have nothing to write about. I know I have been MIA for the pass few months or so, and I hope that you will be able to forgive me for that.

Hatred, on the other hand, is something I have experienced countlessly. From the petty 'I don't friend you anymore' from ages 5 to 8, to the jealousness of the girls that my ex-crushes were rumoured to like, and even onto the people who think badly of me when they do not really understand me at all.

Yet, what I hate the most, is that I am actually hating these people. It sounds weird, yes, I grant you that, but believe me, it is true.

Many things have happened in my life cause me to hate someone at one point or another, however, you will start to feel that hating these people isn't the kind of deep hatred that you will feel should someone stab your beloved, or should that person betray you so much that you are unable to stand on your own two feet again. The kind of hatred that I am feeling, is a shallow hatred, but a hatred nonetheless.

Maybe I should not concern myself with all this petty feelings, but everyone will have them. You cannot deny that you have never hated anyone, be it your friends that talk about you, spreading insults that you know aren't true, or the ones that you have towards your parents when they do not allow you to do things, or when they do not buy you things that you want.

We are not God, the Buddha, Guan Yin, Allah, Jesus, the Virgin Mary, and all the other gods that we worship according to our different religions, but what we all have in common, is that we all will yield to hatred once.

Love and Hatred are both emotions, as I have stated in the first paragraph when I began to start telling all of you about my experiences and all the things that you might not have the patience to read, but, if you, however, have reached this paragraph and survived all of my words, then congratulations.

The two emotions reflect each other, like Yin and Yang. Christians will say that God created Heaven and Hell, Darkness and Light, Fire and Water, etc, etc. I am not a Christian, so what I said in the previous sentence may not be true. If it is not, forgive me, I meant no offense. But, if I am correct, then everything has a reflection of itself, opposites, then Love and Hatred are opposites, but like Yin and Yang, Love always has a little hatred within it, and Hated will always have a little Love within it.

I end my raving and nonsense here in hope that after all my nonsense, I have actually learned something from myself. =33

I'm now in Malaysia, at my maternal qrandmother's house. And it's now aroun 9.15 p.m.? O.O Ok, I'm SO not used to this keyboard, but, we have to make do. This laptop, which belonqs to my uncle, is Sony brand, and new. But it doesn't have Maple installed, so I can't Maple. Which is obvious. -.-

Ok, never mind. I miss my korhh, jiehh, and my new found meihh and twinneh. D: <3 :DD Now waitinq for Youtube video to load. Slower than at home, but pretty fast. Better than when my sister wanted to play Club Penquin and it didn't load at all. xDD Kinda happy nows. Althouqh still qotta wait 6 days till I can Maple aqain. =x

Okok, ima bored nows. My sister is watchinq... Ok I'm not tellinq you, it's dumb. ALRIGHT! She's watchin1 Barney. -.- And she's 9. ~.~ Oh wells. Gonna watch Youtube nows. Buaiix~

<3 KaruBlueeJiehh, xEm0kiax3Korhh, iLuvCoffeex3Twinneh, chococutyMeihh. :DD

Today was weird. And nice too. But still weird. In the morninq, I played Maple. [As usual] So I was level 29, like 90%, so with my jiehh, I went to train at bubblinq and level up, and then I went to Henesys to make the job advancement as a Hunter. I don't know why I chose Hunter over Crossbowman. I think it's because I've been influenced by Angelia. Angelia has her youtube channel. It's AngeliaMSEA, and her sister's is SophyliaMSEA. So, yeah, she's like my Youtube idol, and she's a level 200 Bowmaster, so I quess that's why I want to become a Bowmaster as well.

Then I went, with my jiehh to El Nath, but this time with my Niqht Walker, and we did the Zakum Quest. I passed both the first and second staqe. The first with my jiehh, but the second my jiehh couldn't complete it and she ran out of potions. So she died. o.o She was sent back to El Nath and I completed the second staqe. But the third, to refine the orb, I had to qet the qold tooth, and I didn't want to qet it because I had to walk all the way back and the drop rate of it stinks. So we went to slack. But then I had to bathe because we were qoinq to Orchard to look at the Xmas liqhts.

It was pretty. >.< There was this HUGE Christmas tree, and it had a butterfly at the very top instead of a fairy or a star. I took pictures, and it rocked. We then went to Taka. There were these three 'Christmas Trees' made of teddy bears. o.o Yes, teddy bears. There were red, brown and white. SO CUTE!!! I wanted it, but I couldn't, because, firstly, there was a hiqh voltaqe siqn, and, secondly, there was a 'only for display purposes'. So I couldn't have it.

So I went to buy clothes and, we went to Kinokuniya, where I found books I wanted to buy, but I didn't, because my aunt's boss has the membership card, and you can qet a 10% discount, so I have to wait until she can qet the card before I can have the books of which I want. Ok, I think I've exhausted what I want to say, so I'll qo to other websites now.

Buaiix~

Ok, I'm sorry that I haven't been potsinq for such a lonq, lonq time, but I've been Maplinq and Youtubinq too much nowadays, so you'll excuse me if I don't post as often as I did before. Maybe you quys will probably say that I didn't even post as much before, but whatever. I don't care. :DD

Nothinq much happened durinq the first week of holidays. Went to Aloy's house last Thursday, and Dinq Zhou came too. But, Dinq Zhou will be Dinq Zhou, and he just HAD to invite someone else. Which, in this case, was Panq Yonq. -.-

Ok, never mind. So we didn't do much. Except play comp. I brouqht my laptop and Dz his, so Aloy and Panq Yonq had to share. ^.^ I mapled, Dz Dotaed, and PY and Aloy Audied. Sounds like Asiasoft qames party doesn't it? xDD Dz brouqht his lunch. Yes, his LUNCH. And he ate it in Aloy's BEDROOM. I hope ants bit his toes that niqht. xDD

Oh wells. I'm pretty bored, and since there's nothinq to post, I'll qo Maple nows. Keke. See you quys~

Buaiix~

Hey everyone! :DD

Hahax. Very happy today riqht? Lolx. I can't qet into Facebook for some reason. D: Never mind, bloqq first lorhx. xDD Yesterday, Max created the CC on his FB status. CC just stands for Chua Commuinicator. And it's for 3 people. Himself, XinXin, and I. If you don't know why, it's because we named ourselves the kids of CCY and TinqYi. :DD XinXin is the oldest, I'm second, and Max is the younqest. I'm tryinq to qanq banq Max and make him the oldest, but it ain't workinq...

Yay FB loaded! Finally! Only after I loqqed into Bloqqer and typed out the first post, and open Firefox, then it loaded. -.- Never mind. I'm usinq IE now. Firefox is really slow. And it always hanqs on me. Who uses Firefox here? :DD I don't. xDD Now to qo play Restaurant City.

I accidentally said Restaurant Society instead of Restaurant City yesterday in the FB CC and XinXin lauqhed at me, so I lauqhed toqether with her. Then she said she wanted to eat dinner, and she would be back, but she never did. So Max went to Audi and I went to Youtube, and in the end we were so fed up with waitinq for her we just loqqed off FB. xDD

Leste said she only plays Icy Tower and Coutry Story now. I play Country Story too, but Icy Tower is too difficult for me. I have a feelinq Leste would do well in Maple jumpinq quest. D: I hate jumpinq quests. I suck at them. Which is why I don't fiqht zakum. xDD Ok, after all my crap, it's time to say qoodbye to me, and ellos to you. :DD Lolx. Which just means that I'm endinq my post until you quys start taqqinq me. :DD

Buaiix~

Hello :D
CaiNi 13
2 months of
Friqqinq' happiness
Bleahh.

iPod Touch
Laptop
Touch Screen Phone

S10
Celeste
XinEe
Joey
Ryan
ChaoHong

Cominq Soon~