.Monday, January 25, 2010 ' 1:33 AM Y
Up to now I still don't understand how in the world I managed to convince myself to let go of him, but let go of him I did. I felt this great joy when the chains around it were finally loosened. Letting go of someone isn't easy, but if you have to, to save yourself from depression or something similar, then let go you must.
Crying yourself to sleep at night, without letting anyone know, is difficult, and I've been through it before. From the middle of September to the end of October, I was asking myself, why, why, why was this happening to me? Why me and not others? From October to the middle of January, which would be this month, I was willing myself to forget him.
He doesn't deserve you, he doesn't love you, he'll never love you, you weren't meant to be together. These sentences ran through my head all the time when I was telling myself that I had to forget him, because it wasn't healthy for the mind, body and soul to dwell on such things. Only in the past week did I manage to loosen my hold on the past and to move on with life.
Playboys don't do well in the lives of girls. They only hurt us, make us desperate, causing us so much pain that we want it to stop even though we cannot. Falling in love with one, like me, is a very unlucky thing to go through.
Considering that it was my first 'official' relationship, it was very difficult for me to look back on. I was constantly asking myself, would by next relationships be like this? Would every guy hurt me like this?
13, really, is too young to be involved in a relationship, something I failed to realize until now, but that doesn't mean that there will be little crushes and puppy loves here and there. However, I think that I'm safe by saying that, yes, I really did love the one that broke my heart.
Almost all the time I was planning on how to forget him. From printing the photo that we took together and tearing it, to writing his name with certain words, stuffing them inside a plastic bottle and throwing it away, to the most ridiculous of not going to the place where we went the most, and where I loved the most.
Because of him, I cut off all contact with the friends that I had made together with him, through him, and I avoided everything that had anything to do with him. A single laugh would send me back in time, and start thinking about him. A slide near my house would start cracking me up, and make me remember that day.
The day we broke up.
Recording all of this down makes me want to puke, to cry, to forget everything. The hole in my chest that had been mending widens all of a sudden, but I know that even though it's bigger now, it will heal faster than if I had left it alone.
If someone you love betrayed you, it's time to let them go.
